senses of me

here are some things i realized instead of studying for my biology final thats in 44 minutes.

my favorite smell is honeysuckles.
my favorite sound is thunder.
my favorite sight is the appalachian mountains.
my favorite feeling is my bed after a long day.
my favorite taste is dark chocolate.

there's no point to this blog at all. but it thundered and i stole some of kelsey's dove dark chocolate and my mind wanted to think about anything but photophosphorylation and heterozygote advantages.

on the 1st of May

ok this one might be controversial.. but that's alright. It's true so I'm puttin it out there. Disclaimer: I love America. I love our troops. k here we go. Tonight we got news that Osama bin Laden was killed in Pakistan. He wasn't hiding out in the hills like everyone thought. No. He was in a million dollar mansion, living in the lap of luxury possibly planning and scheming for more attacks on this country I love. It makes me cringe. By the average American's standards, Osama was a horrible person who deserved nothing less than the death he got. He caused so much pain to our country and to so many people 10 years ago. No doubt, he's done some truly despicable things, but here's something I got to thinking about as I saw the hate tweets roll in.. He is definitely in hell right now. I just saw a tweet that said by now Osama has stood before the Creator of the universe that he so adamantly resisted and has proclaimed him Lord of all. It's true and wonderful to think that the Lord is being known throughout this, but it gave me a wakeup call. Without Jesus, I'm in no better standing than Osama bin Laden. He is an absolutely horrible sinner by the world's standards, but the truth is every person is a sinner by the only standards that matter. Everyone deserves death. Romans 3:10 says "There is no one righteous. No not one." The difference lies in whether you choose to follow Jesus Christ is spite of your sinful self or not.

If You Want Me To

I love this. and I feel like it can apply to many people out there. it's called "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens.


The pathway is broken 
And The signs are unclear 
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here 
But just because You love me the way that You do 
I'm gonna walk through the valley 
If You want me to 

Chorus: 
Cause I'm not who I was 
When I took my first step 
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet 
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you 
Then I will walk through the fire 
If You want me to 

It may not be the way I would have chosen 
When you lead me through a world that's not my home 
But You never said it would be easy 
You only said I'd never go alone 

So When the whole world turns against me 
And I'm all by myself 
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help 
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through 
And I will go through the valley If You want me to 

He uses even this

hmm... where's this post gonna go? I really don't know. I'm writing from a place of confusion right now about some stuff. Many times when I write I can throw all my words on a screen in hopes that some sense will come of it and tell my crazy heart and head what they're thinking. Okay I'll start with this.. Have you ever thought, if only I could go back to this one time and do it differently? Lately I've found myself longing to go back and change my actions or my words thinking it would save me from the pain that I'm going through. I've messed up so many times in one or another, and every time I'm amazed with myself at how I can know full and well what my Savior did for me. He died for everyone of my screw-ups. So how then can I consciously sin? It seems like such a slap in the face of the Lord. It's so frustrating and it's enough to make you hate yourself.

I've got some good news though. Recently I read Genesis 25 about when Isaac was very old and blind and about to die and he called Esau in to bless him. Esau had already been short-sighted enough to trade his birthright to his brother Jacob for a silly bowl of soup so he was really looking forward to the blessing he deserved from his father for being firstborn. Isaac told him to go kill an animal and make dinner for him and then he would bless him. Little did Isaac or Esau know, but Rebekah was listening the whole time and when Esau went out to hunt, she told Jacob (her favorite) what was going on. She sent him to kill one of their goats and she cooked a wonderful meal for Isaac. She covered his smooth arms in the goat hair so they would be as hairy as Esau's and she gave him Esau's cloak so he would smell like him. When Jacob went in to his father with the food, he lied saying he was Esau. Isaac was skeptical at first but convinced by the hairy arms and smell of Esau. He blessed Jacob with all that he could.

This story is pretty cool to me for several reasons. First off, the Lord chooses Jacob, the skinny mama's boy instead of the big and masculine Esau. I guess this shows that the Lord does not pick people how we would. He obviously had an incredible plan through Jacob. The main thing we can learn here though is that Jacob and Rebekah lied and cheated. They sinned. Blatantly. But the Lord already knew that would happen. He named him Jacob, which in Hebrew means "he who grabs the heel" or "he who cheats." The Lord used even their sins for his glory. How beautiful is this! This is not to discount the gravity of sin. It is utterly horrible and disgusting in the Lord's eyes and nothing will change that, but I just find it so neat that he uses even the thing he hates the most to his glory. He already has it factored into his beautiful plan.

Break Every Chain

There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain
Break every chain
Break every chain
Break every chain

All sufficient sacrifice

So freely given

Such a price

For our redemption,

Heaven's gates swing wide

There's an army rising up

There's an army rising up

There's an army rising up

There's an army rising up

To break every chain

Break every chain

Break every chain

Break every chain

There's power in the name, Jesus.

I Just Don't Know

"I don't know." That's been my anthem for the past few weeks. I've been a planner for awhile now, but in college that part of my brain has really become overactive. I've always had my perfect life planned out. I'll spare the details, but know that my plan was ridiculously detailed. God saw all my elaborate plans I had in my head, and He's recently been teaching me that my plans aren't necessarily His. As easy as this is to say, it's a whole lot tougher to really learn. It's easy to just say "I know it'll all work out." I do know that, but let's be real. Learning isn't always without pain. I truly believe the Lord wants us to call out to Him in our anguish and pain. Psalm 120:1 says "I call on the Lord in my distress and he answers me." It's okay to be honest with the Lord and with others when things are tough and when you're frustrated or confused. Lately, as I said earlier, I've been wearing out the phrase "I don't know." What will my major be? I don't know. When will this trial pass? I don't know. What will my summer be like? I don't know. Where will I live when I graduate? I don't know. What will I be doing when I graduate? I don't know. When is everything going to be good again? I just don't know. But what I do know for a fact is that the Lord has a plan for me and for everyone else too. Someone told me recently that what we're seeing is like the threads of the bottom of a rug. We can only see the immediate. Meanwhile, God is seeing this beautiful tapestry from above. He sees where we are in a tangled mess, but He also sees the final product, and it is beautiful.

"The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

Hopefully this is encouraging to some of you out there.

My Bucket List

1. sit on a billboard
2. go to every state
3. backpack through Europe
4. be an extra in a movie
5. ride an elephant
6. run the half
7. base jump
8. sky dive
9. eat a whole pizza by myself
10. have a conversation with a famous person
11. go to Haiti on a mission trip
12. learn to play the banjo
13. go black water rafting
14. go to Ireland, Rome, Venice, New Zealand...
15. learn to knit!
16. read the whole Bible through
17. live in the mountains
18. own a coffee shop in the mountain
19. get married
20. adopt a kid

theres sooo much more. but i'm tired of thinking of stuff